Life Love Music

Kristina
23
Musician
Student

Last night I signed up for my audition the CSUF music department. I still haven’t heard if I’ve been accepted by CSULB, but I think I’ve decided on Fullerton anyways.
I feel like I have soooo much to do before my audition. It’s soon then I thought it was going to be. At this point in time I am no where near ready. I’m a little terrified to be quite honest. I have to do it though. This is what I want. And its a step in the direction of what my end goal will be.

I had work tonight, it kind of sucked. There are some days that I question if I can continue to do it. Then I think about the fact that this is my FIRST JOB EVER! I am lucky to have even gotten a job. Some day I just want to run and go back to my trumpet. Go back to not having a job. But I can’t quit, I need this. I can’t quit, I’ve only been working for about 3 months. I can’t give up so soon. Things will get hard. Things will get worse before they get better.

I miss the music department though. I miss playing. I miss sitting in wind symphony, I miss playing the music we would play. I even miss pop2, even though sometimes it wasn’t the best. I miss the speeches that were given to us in pop2. man do i miss those. I miss my lesson. I miss my talks with my trumpet teachers, i miss feeling like i had 2 more dads. I miss them caring about more then just me playing trumpet. they cared about my life, my family/home life. I miss being able to talk to them about it. Even though through so many of my lesson for awhile i cried in each of them, it was pretty bad. But i got through it.
i feel like i may be letting them down right now. I need to remember all that they’ve told me and all that they have taught me.
I NEED TO NOT GIVE UP.  NEVER GIVE UP.
things will get better. they have to. they will.

(this is one of those times when my 2 blogs will have the same blog.)